Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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