Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
