...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We had to coat check the pizza.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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