They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
