Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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