Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
