Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
