He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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