I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is Oprah even human
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
