Will you blow on my dice?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
