Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
