she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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