Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
