You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
