Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
