It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
