On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
