i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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