I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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