Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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