I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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