I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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