My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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