Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
