Cold hands, warm shart.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
