bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
