I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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