carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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