i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
