I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
