I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
