I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
