its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
