Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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