I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
