Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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