life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We got so high we made milksteak
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
