i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
