bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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