So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
