You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
