Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
