Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
