John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
