i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We need to get me chipped asap
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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