The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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