I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
