Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
