Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
