woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
