I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
