sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
