u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
